Why are we so quick to judge other expectant Moms? My pregnancy may look very different than yours, but that does not make either of them better or worse. I promise that whatever you are doing, it is the right way. You and I are different people, with different babies, on different paths, all leading to the same result. It doesn't matter how you get there. Do not beat yourself up trying to fit into someone else's idea of a perfect pregnancy. There are a million super fit, glowing, "happy" mom blogs online. Chances are, those people are probably pretty miserable and just trying to overcompensate by making their life look better than it really is on social media. You do you, Momma.
If you are anything like me, finding out you're pregnant has lead to a mass study in everything pregnancy/baby-related. We're reading, "What to Expect When You're Expecting," following many mom blogs, and googling constantly, but nothing seems to add up. In fact, it seems that the more I research any topic, like caffeine, I find at least 10 different answers with conflicting evidence and inevitably, I walk away with more questions that I originally had. "What To Expect" even steers expectant mothers away from all herbal teas because one has been known to help induce labor. It's herbal fucking tea and these bitches took away my vodka, so I'll be damned if I let you take my peppermint tea!
I was researching morning sickness as a vegan because I have not had any morning sickness yet. I read that many vegan women don't experience morning sickness because we don't have to "expel as many toxins" (Cough, bullshit! Cough). This morning, I read a new blog by a vegan mom who experienced morning sickness and she says that "No morning sickness has sometimes been associated with miscarriage." Fuck. You. That tiny little statement is now echoing across the internet and you know what it's based on? One study. One! If you google "not having morning sickness", you are going to be slapped in the face repeatedly by articles telling you that you're more likely to miscarry, which is not true according to Baby Centre UK. In fact, the overwhelming majority of international science publications say nothing negative about pregnant women who do not have morning sickness. How dare anyone insinuate that someone else might miscarry because they aren't puking? Two thirds of women experience morning sickness. That means that one third do not!
You know what else has been linked to miscarriages? Stress! And this bitch is stressing me out.
You remember high school? Remember the "mean girl?" She was trying to put everyone else down to make herself feel better. That is a very typical way to respond when you are feeling scared, unattractive, insecure... But we aren't in high school anymore, and it isn't okay to make other expectant mothers feel bad and scared because you are trying to figure your shit out. Pregnancy is scary! Joyous, exciting, wonderful and terrifying! At any moment, you could lose this life that has been growing inside of you. Am I wearing my seat belt correctly? Did the dog put too much weight on the baby? Am I eating the right things? My mind is flooded with a constant barrage of shit I might be doing that could inadvertently kill my child. And what's worse is that miscarriages aren't caused by anything that you and your partner have or haven't done! Scientifically speaking, the overwhelming majority of miscarriages occur because of chromosomal combinations that are completely out of your control.
There are mothers who do literally everything perfect and they still miscarry. There are mothers who are smoking, drinking alcohol, eating whatever they want, taking no folic acid, who will give birth to perfectly healthy babies. It is out of your control. You need to focus on taking care of you; Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Do not expose yourself to toxic information that is designed to make you feel insecure.
The truth is that scientists really don't know what causes morning sickness. They really aren't sure why some women miscarry repeatedly and some never do. And I hate to say it, but there isn't any money in them finding out. So, all research dollars that could go to helping expecting mothers keep their fetus' safe is more than likely going to fund keeping old dude's boner's up. Sorry, y'all, but that's the damn truth.
Instead of picking each other apart and shaming women around us, why don't we try to lift each other up? Don't alienate yourself if you have a miscarriage. At least 1 out of 4 women miscarry, and the real number is actually closer to 60% (more on that later). You are not alone. And just because someone gives birth with no trouble the first time, does not mean that they're in the clear in the future. We are all in this together, ladies. Let's do our best to raise each other up, support other women, and not place judgement on anyone else because they're different. You never know what someone else is going through.
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Reading this was a breath of fresh air for me. I am 29 weeks pregnant tomorrow, I have had a stillborn daughter, 2 miscarriages and s beautiful 11 year old girl. And this pregnancy has caused me so much anxiety, constant worrying about the health of me and my boy. The thought of my weight could cause the death of me and my child weighs on me heavily. I feel like I can never Google anything about being plus size and pregnant with out constantly reading about death and many issues. When so far me and baby are very healthy. But I want to read about all the successful pregnancies and births instead of going through pages of depressing stories.